Happy

December 6, 2022

Happy

A word somewhat alien but lingering around.
A word I don’t say enough.
A word I felt was lost in time

But I am happy

For many things

For the many experiences I see, feel & hear.
For the journies I have breathed & walked

I am happy to be alive.
A thought in the back of my mind always told me I wasn’t going to reach the age of twenty due to the stresses endured.
Even being on a death slab & coming back, twice, through no fault of my own but of others brunching & somewhat forgetting one of the deadliest allergies in favour of gluten solidarity

I am happy I am proved wrong.
I don’t enjoy being correct on something awful & feel it’s not taken seriously.
I want to be incorrect to what is going on & told it’s better than what I have been talking about

I am happy with how much I can scream.
Whether that is calling out injustices piled onto the people that need help the most.
Or calling bigots, nazis, TERFs, racists or even your cockhole of a neighbour what they simply are: Cunts

I am happy to be there for my cats death.
To remember the times we had.
to remember to first ime of them purring.
Being clawed to reveal blood.
Leaving scars to view again.
To stare into her eyes as she drifted away.
She knows she was loved so much

I am happy for my losses.
Whether being relationships tumbling away.
To see what went wrong, but building back a feeling
Walking to my new paths where I can step out into the distance.
It would be nice to have those times again with someone.
To be with that person to share without fear.
But time will tell

I am happy for the music I have made.
Creating soundscapes and blistering beats played to thousands at festivals.
Playing to only 4 people for 3 hours & warping their minds.
To my current works of personal & outward forces, with screaming guitars, smashing drums & lyrics to promote thought

I am hapy with who I am.
Unapologetically myself, wearing what I want, being the person I am & not bending on my knees suckling on your crotch for you to think differently.
Going to the places I want to, not beholden to where others feel I should go or think it’s safer for me to be

FUCK THAT!!

That’s not living for me, that’s doing what I’m told.
Besides, i’ll miss staring deep into someones eyes, tearing out ever fiber of them simply by catching them gawping at me.
That’s my sport, I’m really good at it

Lastly, I’m happy with the people I’ve met.
Whether it’s for that fleeting moment in public transport where we chatted until our stops.
Or the many friends I’ve made by randomly chatting to them with nothing in mind other than to talk shite.
Or even being in spaces where the creatives share & shed away a past & lve for the future.

So aye, I am happy

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